


Neighborhood Watch

by canadino



Category: Gintama
Genre: M/M, Suburbia AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-30
Updated: 2015-05-30
Packaged: 2018-04-02 02:10:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4041733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canadino/pseuds/canadino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These are the consequences of sleeping with the neighborhood dad of the hour (year is excessive and week would be too generous).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Neighborhood Watch

Everyone in the area knew about the Sakata household, for better or for worse. In all fairness, the Sakata household was only the top level of Otose’s split-level home and shared the same address, but the upper level certainly garnered more attention than the main house. The one whose name was on the renting lease was a freelancing bachelor, though anyone would be hard pressed to determine what exactly it was he did. Sakata Gintoki’s bachelor status meant very little to the single ladies and frustrated housewives as he could often be found wandering the neighborhood during the day with his coat half on and never sorted his recyclables from his trash. But for all his faults, he was still the secret darling of most of the neighborhood council for the children he had taken in. Plain Jane Shinpachi had been living with his sister after their parents had passed and had been drifting from part time job to part time job while attending the local public high school and gossip was split between him giving in to his teenage angst by turning delinquent and him nondescriptly graduating and going elsewhere. Kagura had appeared suddenly in the neighborhood and no one believed Gintoki’s transparent stories about her being his niece or something or another. The fact remained that while the two on their own smiled as if nothing was wrong and greeted others on the street, their eyes lit up and they chattered more when Gintoki was around. It was a very beautiful thing, was the general consensus, that an aimless man had taken some fairly aimless kids and they were existing together peacefully sans the occasionally rowdy domestic disputes. 

So when Hasegawa awoke one morning with a pounding hangover headache in his temples and Gintoki in bed at his side, he felt the dread that came with the words _nothing was the same_. 

[=]

“Hey,” Gintoki said by means of a good morning greeting. “Have you seen my boxers? They’re not on me.”  


“We slept together,” Hasegawa sputtered.   


Gintoki’s look was particularly hurtful, especially coming from one technically unemployed loser to another. Hasegawa had lost his temporary job at the local craft store after their pregnant regular had come back weeks before she had announced and Gintoki’s last paying gig had been who knows how long ago. “Such keen observations, Hasegawa. How amazing it is that you aren’t more employable.” Gintoki leaned over the side of the bed and Hasegawa got an eyeful of the skin of his back leading up to the subtle curve of Gintoki’s ass. He’d tapped that. Something was preventing him from feeling unconditional triumph. “Found ‘em.” Gintoki held up a pair of black boxers with strawberry print. 

“My head is killing me,” Hasegawa groaned, falling back onto his pillow. He had intense cotton mouth. Gintoki was wiggling back into his boxers. He had probably seen the pornos Hasegawa did not do a good job of hiding under his bed. It wasn’t his fault his place wasn’t guest-ready; he never really expected anyone over, much less his room of all places. The house was a mess. “Hey, Gintoki - can you get me some water while you’re up?”  


Gintoki kissed him right on the mouth.

“Okay,” Hasegawa said after Gintoki was done and hovering over him with his thumb rubbing circles into Hasegawa’s goatee. “But that water, though.”  


Gintoki clicked his tongue. “You’re so cold,” he whined. “Only using me for my body.” But he disappeared all the same and returned with a cup only half full of water. Hasegawa supposed he deserved that. As he sat up as little as possible so gravity could work the water down his throat, Gintoki settled back down on the bed next to him. This was something. 

“What time is it?”  


“A little past noon.”   


“Noon?” Hasegawa sputtered, but it wasn’t like he had anywhere to go. Neither did Gintoki, for the most part. “Don’t you have the kids to send to school or something?”  


“Kagura and Shinpachi can get themselves to school. I can’t take them both on my moped anyway. I need to feed the dog though; Kagura probably forgot in the morning since I’m usually home.” The Sakatas had recently adopted a little white mutt, picked up off the streets by the youngest. Sadaharu was a notorious biter. Hasegawa figured Gintoki couldn’t blame the dog for the bite marks along his shoulder in the crook of his neck. “They’ll be wondering why I’m not home, though.”   


“What are you going to tell them?”  


“I don’t have to tell them anything,” Gintoki said. “I’m a grown man.”  


That, of course, meant he told them everything. Hasegawa figured that they must have twisted his arm to do it. Gintoki wasn’t a sap or a sucker but he was weak against the kids, especially if they begged in a certain tone of voice or looked up at him with doleful eyes that awoke some kind of parental feel within him. Hasegawa knew this was the case when the youngest, Kagura, found him sitting in the park as he was want to do most days of the week around four. She had just come from school, because she planted her black outdoor school shoes shoulder length apart and had her arms crossed across her chest. She was wearing the dark burgundy uniform of her middle school. Gintoki always complained he was short of money but he sent his adopted daughter to a private school. “You are to stay away from Gin, you useless old geezer,” she said. 

“What if he seeks me out?”  


“Run away. Isn’t that all you’re good for, sunglasses freak?” She was not holding back. “That’s what your wife did, anyway, because you weren’t willing to do it for her.” She was really hitting it where it counted.   


“What is this,” said Hasegawa.   


“A warning. Gin’s basically my dad and he can do better than you.” If possible, she gave him a look that would have made the most virile of men wither. Gintoki said she was a black belt in several practices and Hasegawa had seen her pack down meals like a professional wrestler. There seemed to be an unspoken threat in her words and her stance, like she would rip his balls off and feed them to her dog if he dared break her rules. “I’ll tear off your balls and feed ‘em to Sadaharu if you come close to the house. I’ll do it, too.” Ah, there it was.   


The Sakata residence was in the opposite direction of his house, so Hasegawa did not need to worry about accidentally triggering Kagura’s wrath, but the second time Gintoki came to sleep over, he had forgotten his umbrella (Gintoki had his umbrella, was holding it over his head the whole time, and said, “Hasegawa, it’s raining now, so mind if I stay the night?”). After processing the fact that he had had sex with Sakata Gintoki twice now, Hasegawa decided it was probably best to return the forgotten item. He waited until it was just past when a middle school would ring its late bell and tiptoed across the neighborhood to Otose’s house. 

Shinpachi greeted him at the door and his face fell visibly. Hasegawa did not remember feeling so unloved and unappreciated since he found his wife packing her suitcase and saying they ought to take a break, separate even. “It’s you,” Shinpachi said, and although he was possibly the most polite in the house, it was blatantly dismissive. “What do you want?”

“Why aren’t you at school?” Hasegawa asked.  


“We have late start today. Why? Were you thinking of sneaking behind our backs?” Shinpachi was standing right square in the middle of the doorway like a sentry. “Gin’s asleep right now. But I’ll take a message.”  


“I can come back later.”  


“I said I’ll take a message.”   


Hasegawa handed him the umbrella. “Gintoki forgot this at my place.” It was a phrase laden with meaning. He could almost see Shinpachi interpreting it just the way it was meant to be interpreted. Shinpachi did not quite snatch the umbrella from Hasegawa’s hands, but it was close. “Uh, tell him I said hi.”

“I’ll tell him he doesn’t need to buy a new umbrella,” Shinpachi said, before slamming the door in his face.   


Gintoki’s children were not particularly well loved in the neighborhood (Kagura had eaten her way through several block parties and although the neighborhood council was too polite to bar the Sakatas from attending, they still preferred not to broadly publicize events with food. Shinpachi, they often ignored.), but that didn’t mean they couldn’t make things hard for Hasegawa. He saw kids from Kagura’s school openly boycotting places he worked temporary shifts for - she was rough and loud, yes, but charismatic and people either loved her or hated her - and he got the cold shoulder from the boys in Shinpachi’s weird little fan group. Otose, who held him in no high regard, told him at the grocery store that he was a wanted man at the house, although only when Gintoki wasn’t around to hear such talk. Hasegawa thought it best to keep some distance, especially with Gintoki’s young guardians. He went to sleep counting his blessings that he held Gintoki at least twice, which was a feat since he was basically catching smoke.

So it was completely by accident that he ran into Gintoki again at the neighborhood council meeting. Hasegawa had no intention or interest in the workings of the community council, but in between dwelling on his seemingly perpetual unemployment, Gintoki, the scheming kids, his diminishing living funds, Hatsu, Gintoki’s thighs against his cheeks, his lack of a steady job, and Gintoki, he thought it wise to take his mind off of things by being bored to tears listening to agendas and budgets and things that did not really concern him. His sunglasses blocked out his eyes anyway so he could get some shuteye without some granny screaming at him. 

“Hello,” Gintoki said. He was flanked by the kids on both sides, both of which wore displeased expressions upon seeing Hasegawa. There was something pleasant in Gintoki’s eyes, like a mischievous twinkle or the look of a cat who just dragged in a kill. His mouth was shaped like a smile. “Haven’t seen you around often.” Hasegawa knew what it was - Gintoki looked like he had a secret he wanted to tell and Hasegawa knew he wanted to know what it was real bad.   


“What are you doing here?” he said, instead of doing the polite thing like returning the greeting or asking how the children were. The children were still glaring at him.   


“Shinpachi wants to make an announcement about his club so we’re here to support him.” Shinpachi offered a really fake smile. “What about you? This doesn’t seem like your joint.”  


“Uh, you know,” Hasegawa said. “I just go around.” It was super lame. The curious smile on Gintoki’s face remained. He wondered if his hair was falling in a weird way or something. He made it a point to sit across the room, far from the Sakata constituency. But Gintoki picked a seat square within Hasegawa’s line of vision and made pointed eye contact.   


The children were going to kill him, of this he was sure. 

Afterwards, when the meeting was over and the coffee and snacks were laid out, Gintoki approached him as he was wrapping five cookies in a little napkin package. Gintoki put a hand on his shoulder and near made him crush the cookies into crumbs. “What so jumpy for?” Gintoki asked, sneering as he got himself a styrofoam cup for coffee. “Catherine already nabbed a whole plate and left.”

“You just surprised me,” Hasegawa said. Gintoki began pouring sugar packets into the coffee, grabbing a handful from the little basket with the sugar and sweet-n-lows. The children were surprisingly absent from their posts as his guardians; but Shinpachi was having a serious discussion with his pop idol appreciation group and Kagura had been distracted by one of the members of the neighborhood council. Hasegawa had figured Okita’s fondness of Gintoki would have eased his abrasiveness on the rest of the Sakata household but it was not the case. “Listen,” Hasegawa said, “I think maybe we should stop seeing each other. Or something.”  


In went the seventh packet of sugar. Hasegawa feared for the sanctity of the coffee. “You’re finished with me already?” Hasegawa slipped the pack of cookies into his pocket. “You really did only want me for my body. You’re a dirty old man. Nasty.”

“I’m,” Hasegawa mumbled, “too old for you anyway.”  


“I’m a spring chicken in the prime of his youth. Spry and young at thirty.” Gintoki cocked his head. “At a time in my life where I’m anxious and looking for a good cock to take care of me and raise a family with.” The word play was too much.   


“Anyway,” Hasegawa said, maintaining eye contact with the table, “it’s not like I’m divorced, legally, anyway, so, and Hatsu, she might…”  


“Hasegawa,” Gintoki interrupted. “Come with me to my house.”  


The Sakata household was surprisingly well kept for a regularly unemployed man of thirty and a couple of kids. The kitchen was atrocious, littered with dishes, but there seemed to be a consensus that dirty dishes were to go in the sink area or at least close proximity, and the garbage can was overflowing with pickled seaweed wrappers. The living room was comparatively impeccable, two neat and humble couches with a coffee table in between. It was perfect to do business. It was the first time Hasegawa had set foot in the place and if they had come with the intention to do dirty things - he would be lying if he said it didn’t cross his mind - it certainly wouldn’t be the first thing on the schedule. Gintoki was halfheartedly shuffling his Weekly Jumps out of sight, but he wasn’t reaching for his clothes. “I’ll cut to the chase,” Gintoki said. “Why are you trying to cut things off now?”

Hasegawa had had a cigarette before walking into the meeting. He was fairly certain his frequent smoke breaks had caused all his clothes to smell even vaguely like tobacco. The girl had the nose of a blind bat and he was certain she probably could somehow communicate with her dog, who was lingering at the doorway staring at him. But it wasn’t his fault he was there, he had been invited. “Uh,” he said. “It’s not like I was trying to get rid of you, I mean, in the first place, we weren’t even really seeing each other so to speak, so…”

“I didn’t sleep with you with the intention of doing it for fun.” Gintoki was so serious, and it made Hasegawa’s heart stutter. “It’s so messy, those kinds of things, because unless you do it for a living you can’t just pretend it didn’t happen. And you’re the type of high maintenance guy who won’t let it go, in the first place. You got married and such, after all.”  


“Your kids hate me,” Hasegawa said.   


“Is that all? You know I could have a word with them and they’d stop.”  


“Yes! And - well, they’re right, aren’t they? I’ve got nothing going for me and you’re in the prime of your life. I can’t hold down a steady job and I don’t even have the guts to tell off a bunch of adolescent brats to mind their own business.” He knew they called him a useless old man behind his back but while there was a part of him that indignantly resisted it, there was also a part that had accepted it, a washed up guy living on the minimum pension they had promised him.   


Gintoki looked at him. “Do I seem like a guy with a lot of prospects?” He was advancing and Hasegawa felt his throat suddenly go dry. In any case, Gintoki was a tall glass of water in all senses of the word. “I’m just like everyone else, I don’t want to work a day in my life but also be able to afford reading Jump every week and eat more than the pasta they always have for sale at the store with the deformed boxes. I stopped having childish ambitions when I was twenty. And you might be a useless old man, but you convinced them to make you a government official for a few years of your life, right?”

“More than ten years,” Hasegawa swallowed. Gintoki was standing right over him now.   


“So,” Gintoki said, “I don’t want to stop sleeping with you just yet. I’m not bored of it and you aren’t, either.”  


“No.” His sunglasses were slipping down his nose. “I really want to touch you right now.”   


“You have the balls to do it?” Gintoki’s smirk was a challenge, and he was a useless old man through and through, but he reached out his hands anyway.   


(Later, he heard Kagura scream after the door was opened, because Gintoki was getting a drink of milk without clothes on in the kitchen right next to the door to the landing, but Hasegawa still felt the need to grapple out of the window holding himself together anyway.)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello still. I'm happy you made it all the way to the end. Leave a comment if you liked it, thanks.


End file.
